*sighs*

Okay, its the first week of school. And I already feel like crap. I hate it, I hate it, I hate it.

The nights before I go to school, I cry myself to sleep. I didn't want school. I liked living in this cave of mine. I LOVED being a hermit. Ahuh, I'm that useless.. Figures.

Alright, enough of that (shall continue how my life suck later)

I was so determined, I wanted to be in Arts stream. It just struck me one day when I was in Form 3 that day... That very day. I knew I can NEVER cope with any of the 4 Sciences, not to mention Add Math. PMR's level of Math is strong enough to break me down and make me weep. I knew my future will be intertwined with language. Whatever language it is. I loved language. I learn it quick, and I enjoy learning it. I feel my best when I write and when I speak well.. So I figured, I'll take Arts and work real hard on English Literature.

I was so determined, even during the first day of school this year. I chose Arts. Along with Evane who's also determined to be a successful businesswoman in the future. I decided on P.Seni and Geography. Business was NEVER my thing. So there ya go.

There were two classes for Arts Stream, Vision and Able. I was separated from Evane, the teachers put me in Able and Evane in Vision. I had no friends/connections whatsoever with the students there. I wanted to cry, I'm serious.
So, I stuck myself to CheeKit. I didn't care if he was a guy, but he's my only friend there. The class teacher separated me from him. Haven't I got enough crap? She placed me at the front of the class, ALONE.

Then, the coordinator asked the class if anyone wanted to transfer to Vision, I shot my arm right up. I spent a day in Vision then, next to Evane, with Jiang too. There were only 18 in the class, and I barely knew half of them. I felt like I didn't belong in that class. There's kinda feeling that I shouldn't be there. Maybe because it felt like a necropolis in there, I'm not gonna lie.

I went home, and I got lectured by my parents. They asked me how's P.Seni and Geography going to help me in the future. And they told me, I let Add Math be in my way.. saying, "There's a scratch on your nail, you chopped your entire finger off instead of mending the scratch on the nail." I knew she was referring to Add Math. Then I decided to change to Semi Science.. I can take E.Lit there so, I might as well take up the Sciences, and make myself more useful. Just in case I fail to reach my goals.

I called Evane, I felt sick by myself.. I promised Evane I'll be with her throughout the year in Arts. I was so afraid she wouldn't talk to me anymore. But I still called her anyways, before it gets worse. She was really understanding, but I felt horribly guilty. I'm a person who's unable to overcome guilt. I will feel sick to the gut and sometimes I cry. (i cry so often its stupid, i hate that my tear ducts are so easily active)
I immediately look for something to give her to make myself feel better. I turned the fridge upside down and found myself a couple of chocolates from England. I gave it to her the next day and yeah, everything back to normal :D

I had a tough time with Mr Yu and Jiang to get into Semi. Jiang wanted to move into Semi too.. But he wasn't qualified. ( I honestly don't get it. There's so many students in Semi who aren't qualified, I find that very unfair for Jiang )
Mr Yu asked me to move to Pure Science, but no way.. I wanted E.Lit.. Thats my future. He fitted me into Grace, very reluctantly. 28 students including me.

I felt embarassed to the bones when I moved into Grace, though my dear friends, MinChi, Ruby, Stan, Wenx, Yuanni and Karen welcomed me with open arms. I was so disappointed with myself. I assured everyone I made the right choice choosing Arts. I wanted to prove them that I can still excel in Arts too. I didn't listen to my friends who persuaded me to choose a different stream. I felt terrible. I barely talked on that day. I was really ashamed and embarassed. I still couldn't believe I changed my mind. And what if I regret after the first term? What if I wished I WERE in arts?
I was really confused when I first moved in, but it was too late for further changes. I'm permanently in Semi already, unless I want more lecture from my parents and the scary look on Mr Yu's face.

Sigh, and I was MORE embarassed when I was with Jiang and Evane. Even now..

Then the next day after I moved into Grace, they decided to shuffle the Semi classes, because Charity was too noisy. Guess what? I ended up in Charity because I chose E.Lit. Everyone in Grace took Accounts. I was so tired. I changed classes 4 times in 3 days. I felt exhausted.. Especially now that I swim almost daily.

I was so lost when I first went into that class. My girlfriends were all in Grace. Now, I'm stuck with my guy friends. I had Mason and Jeremy, they're my closest friends there. But the only place empty for me wasat the front. And Mason and Jeremy sat behind. It felt like the other side of the world. I sat with Ching Tze, I felt so blessed having her next to me. She's so nice and sweet. And I really like her so I'm grateful she agreed to sit with me.

And omg! JUNYING the sampat is with me! I think I can squish him already. He doesn't make me feel left out, and he's my bitching buddy. He's like the male version of my girlfriends. So wheeee.

I'll get the hang of it. I'll just have to adapt to new surroundings and just go with the flow. Mason visits me at the front.. I'm sure he pities me too. And I have Jeremy to screaming in my ears from time to time so yeah, I guess I'll be fine. But there are times when I feel like killing this one person in my class *takes out voodoo doll* (kidding) *sigh* Hopefully, this person won't be staying after the first term exam.. The person won't do well. I'm relying on that.

I made a couple of new friends. I make first moves. WHAT?! I'm nice okayyy..

*sigh* I had so many embarassing moments this week. THANKS TO YOU JEREMY. jeeez. I'm seriously so embarassed I can hide in a hole.

I have a feeling it'll suck more next week. HELP ME! I have facial tomorrow, and the scars will make me look HORRIBLE. LIKE MY FACE IS IN A GOOD CONDITION NOW! ugh. screw toxins. :(

can you believe i find modern math harder than add math. hmmm..

Back to complaining how horrible my life is...

Labels: school