You know how grown ups misunderstand each other or get into an argument/fight and promise not to show any trace/hint of that when they're in front of their children?

Well, in this case, its not solely grown ups who do that.

I do that.

No matter how bad my day gets in school, I never bring it home. I never show my face of anger, fury and sadness.

I put up a smile and play Baby Girl of the family. I am very mushy at home FYI and act like a kid most of the time. All the time actually. That way, they won't suspect anything. That way, all my family members will be happy. That way, my parents won't get worried. That way, my parents will never feel like I'm growing up.

And I know how bad that feels to a parent.

But today, I didn't even bother to act kiddy and crazy. I shrug it off when they asked whats wrong and say I feel nauseatic and my head aches.

In the car, I didn't eat my bread and told my mom I felt like vomitting. Actually, I just lost my apetite. Once I reach home I went for a jog, its the longest I've jogged so far this year. 10 rounds without slowing down my heartbeat. I'm not hardworking at all. I just thought running/jogging will help me keep my mind off things.

Went back up and bathed and headed for my room right away. Did my homework for 3 hours (on purpose) and avoided dinner with my family members and pretended I was doing my homework. It wasn't homework actually, just woorkbooks I never use that I bought since last year.

I ate "dinner" and went straight to my room. Went online for a bit and head for bed at 9.

This minute, my parents are out for supper. And here I am, blogging because I just couldn't fall asleep. Its been an hour and a half since I tried to sleep. I just can't.

Don't expect myself to either. The moment I close my eyes, the worst appears.



I remember doing a Facebook tag yesterday asking if if today will be better than yesterday. I'll trade anything in the world to make sure this day never come.


How can I go to school tomorrow? I should I just skip school tomorrow? No, tomorrow's installation, and I can see the effort Calvin put in. If I skip it, I'll feel really bad, even if Calvin doesn't mind.

But hooowww am I going to talk at those who know? How can even look at them straight in the eye? Or say hi?

Maybe I'll just leave school after installation.

I didn't eat all day anyways, that should help me escape tomorrow.

Labels: emotions